


Mindful education

by Madam_Violet



Series: The Vault Chronicles [30]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, a bit of hurt and a lot of comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 02:39:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16296686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madam_Violet/pseuds/Madam_Violet
Summary: Missy is getting restless and the Doctor tries to help her with the flood of thoughts swarming in her head.





	Mindful education

**Author's Note:**

  * For [D_f_m22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_f_m22/gifts).



Missy stretched her body before going back to a curled position under a ball of messy blankets. She didn't feel like leaving bed today, neither she felt especially sleepy. She just felt resteless and a bit numb. Nardole had brought her a cup of tea earlier in the afternoon and he had tried to have a conversation with her, but she wasn't into it either.  
She really hated it, feeling like this, unable to decide what to do of her day. Thoughts would start swarming in her mind, mainly regrets and bitterness. She felt dumb, so stupid. How did she even end up locked up in there ? She would go all the way of a long chain of small mistakes and miscalculations until the last fatal choice. She would resent the Doctor and the sinister little egg for keeping her like this, prisoner but not really. She hated herself for agreeing with all of this too. She could probaly escape if she tried very hard, but she didn't feel like trying because she didn't want to upset the Doctor and she was too lazy for it anyway. Why bothering herself and taking risks when she could just slack off in her bed, watching mildly entertaining Earth TV shows and waiting for a visitor ? Maybe if she was good enough the Doctor would look at her with his dopey eyes. There was nothing she liked better than a genuine loving look from the Doctor. By Rassilon, she had gone soft.  
A knock on the door broke her chain of thoughts and she got on her feet, limping to the table where all her notes where scattered.  
"Yeah, enter" she grumbled.  
The Doctor opened the door and crossed the space between. He was carrying two coffees from the local Starbucks. Missy softened and smiled weakly.  
"Are you okay, Missy ?" he asked "you look tired."  
She bit her lip.  
"I dozed off a little when you were gone" she admitted sheepishly.  
"Okay. Are you feeling restless again ?"  
She nodded in silence.  
"I'm sorry you feel like this. I should give you more entertainment. Did Nardole visit you ? He told me he would."  
"Yeah, he did. Brought me tea and chatted for a while, but I didn't feel like talking. Was I rude ?"  
"Maybe, but it's not a big deal. You are allowed to have your mood swings, you know. Nardole is kinda used of them, and he doesn't mind as long as you're not threatening him."  
"I didn't."  
"Good, you've really gone a long way."  
Missy beamed a little.  
"I'm serious, Missy. I am proud of you."  
She nodded, stared at the void for a few seconds and burst into a heartbreaking sob.  
"Hey, are you alright ?"  
She shook her head, still choking with her tears. The Doctor gathered her in his arms and started kissing her forehead. She melted in his embrace, snuggling under his opened hoodie.  
"I love you so much, Missy. I'm sorry we end up stuck in this situation."  
"I know. I'm just so tired. Tired of feeling dumb, and useless, and worthless."  
"You are nothing like that, Master. You are a genius, you're far too smart for your own good."  
"If I'm so smart, why did I end up in a Vault ?"  
"You made a lot of bad choices in your life, and crime never stays unpunished. You should know that after all those centuries. And it's not that bad, you could be somewhere so much worst, in a prison somewhere or on Gallifrey. Or even dead."  
"I know. That's probably the problem. I got caught by my own stupidity and I don't even face actual consequences. Usually I have somewhere to run away from, someone to get revenge upon. But now I have nowhere to escape from and no one but myself to blame. I have nothing to keep me going on."  
"You have me, and your promise to become good. You still want it, right ?"  
"Hmm, yeah."  
"But you're bored, because it's not challenging enough. I don't want to strain you, we have world enough and time."  
"What's the next step, professor Doctor ?"  
"I don't know. Maybe feeling regrets."  
"But I do feel regrets !"  
"You feel regrets for yourself, for the consequences of your own bad actions. Am I right ?"  
Missy nodded.  
"I just told you how stupid I feel. Coming from me it means a lot."  
She tried to giggle but ended up sobbing again. The Doctor laughted softly, ruffling her messy hair.  
"Yeah, that's already a big progress from you. Things to come are going to be so difficult, I'm not sure I want you to experience them. Maybe it would be enough if things stayed like this, wouldn't it ?"  
"You mean still evil, but good enough to stay under your supervision."  
"Saying it like this makes me feel awful" the Doctor said with a humourless giggle.  
Missy shrugged and snuggled closer against the Doctor. He sighed and rubbed her shoulders in soothing circles.  
"Maybe we should work on your current feeling of restlessness."  
"I thought it was good."  
"No, admitting your mistakes is good. Being restless like this is not."  
The Doctor took Missy gently by her shoulders and guided her to the bed. She sat obediently, looking at him like a lost cat.  
"Things are going to be difficult soon or later. I konw it sucks, but it's the price to pay for redemption."  
Missy nodded solemnly. It hurted to see her subdued like that.  
"I really want to help" the Doctor said. "Pain can't always be avoided, but I can try making things more comfortable for you. You know you are not alone, right ? I'm here, so is Nardole."  
Missy made a silent sign with her chin. The Doctor stroked her cheek softly and pushed her nicely, encouraging her to lay down on the bed. He covered up with a single blanket and sat by her side.  
"You have to be strong in your mind. When you'll be ready to look at the past, it will hurt a lot, because you won't be able to do anything to change what you've done. But if you can feel balanced in your head, if you keep looking at the future, you'll be able to find hope in the deepest pit."  
Missy opened her eyes just to roll them at the Doctor's words.  
"Don't be so dramatic, Thete. I wouldn't call my current existance a pit. Sure I'm bored, and maybe one day I'll be plagued by this ridiculous feeling of guilt you're so proud of. But even if I feel sick in my head I still have a nice bed to sleep in, three meals a day and good company. Not that bad for an ex death row convict."  
The Doctor smiled fondly and took Missy's hand in his own.  
"You're already so strong, I'm proud of you."  
Missy squeezed the Doctor's hand playfully. He squeezed her back and drew small circles in her palm.  
"I think we can find ways to calm your restlessness. A lot of it comes from your body and how it deals with anxiety. Close your eyes and let all your muscles loosen. You have to feel your body's weight on the matress. Is your head well supported ?"  
"Mmm"  
"Nice. Now feel the warmth under the blanket. It's not a full duvet because it's warm enough in the Vault, but it's important to feel covered. You should feel safe right now. Especially as I'm here to take your hand. Are you cosy now ?"  
Missy nodded sleepily.  
"Good. Now lets think about your problem. You say you regret the decision that led you here. Now think about it, where would you be if you weren't here ?"  
"Probably on some planet, causing mayhem."  
"Maybe. It's the best outcome. You could also be dead, or in prison."  
"I could"  
"And even if you were free, what would happen ? Do you think you could stay unpunished forever ?"  
"No, probably not. I'm clever, but I get in trouble a lot."  
"Here you're not in trouble, are you ?"  
"No, not really. Sometimes I get scolded by you or Humpty Dumpty, but It's not that bad. You both love me so much."  
The Doctor chuckled.  
"You're not wrong."  
"So you think being here is the best outcome possible."  
"I think it is. You don't even have to feel ashamed. There's no shame in getting caught. For comitting the crime, yes, but not for being caught. And there is no shame in accepting help."  
"I begged you on my knees."  
"You didn't have too, I had planned to save you all along."  
"Yeah, and I didn't know. Maybe I should be ashamed for having so little faith."  
"No, you don't have. I've hurt you in the past, and there were times I could probably have killed you."  
"So I have no reason to be ashamed, at least according to you."  
"No, not for being stupid at least.Because you are far from stupid. Refusing help would have been stupid. Being here is brave."  
"Brave ?"  
"Sure. You're making efforts, you have accepted the idea you're going to hurt but you still face it. Redemption is not an easy path, and here you are, giving it a try. You're not weak, Missy. You are stronger than you've ever been since the Academy. And I trust you. I trust you and it's the first time in millenia."  
Missy smiled.  
"Congratulation, Doctor. If I had any secret plan to betray you later, you've just burnt them at the root."  
"I know. Love and trust are the most powerful weapons in the world. You can use them for the worst purpose, but you can also use them for good."  
"Are you saying you're manipulating me ?"  
"Off course I am, and you're being played like a newly loomed Time Tot. But is it that bad ? I'm doing this for you, to make you feel better, to make you stronger. Medicine and poison, what is the difference ? In the end it's only the use that matters."  
"And what is your miracle medicine, Doctor ?" Missy asked mischievously.  
"What do you think it is ?"  
The Doctor leant over the bed and kissed Missy on the forehead, right between the eyes, causing a rush of telepathic flow reach her mind. Missy made a moaning noise in surprise, drinking in the flood of unconditional love. The Doctor smiled and knocked her to sleep.  
"Have a rest, Master. Each day at the time."


End file.
